Girls’ Education in Turkey: Three Generations

I wrote this the same day I wrote the blog post for Mustang so writing the previous post was the inspiration for this one. This post is for my grandmother and mom, the two kick-ass Black Sea women in my life.

When my grandmother reached school age, her father really wanted her to go to school, but he was working at another city at that time, so her mother took her to the only school in their village. The school was full of boys, she would be the only girl in her classroom if she joined. My grandmother's father was a very open-minded person, so he was OK with this despite his family living in a conservative village. He thought if there was a girl in the classroom, other parents might be more enthusiastic about sending their daughters to school as well, so there would be a lot more girls in school in the end. He bought my grandmother's uniform, pencils, notebooks, etc. and sent them all to his wife beforehand. However, the teacher at the school said he couldn’t take the responsibility of a girl in a classroom full of boys and didn’t let my grandmother join his classroom. My grandmother's mother didn't want my grandmother to go to school anyway so she didn't inform her husband about this situation. In the end, my grandmother couldn’t go to school at all. Today whenever this issue comes up, you can feel my grandmother's frustration. In fact, I think my grandmother swears wonderfully (she should be giving swearing lessons to teenagers in high school), and the times she talks about this situation is one of the times she swears the most.

When my mom reached school age, things were a little bit different. They were living in Istanbul. There were still a lot of parents who didn’t want their daughters to go to school, but there were many girls in school. So my mom started school. She finished primary school with very good grades. Her teachers were looking forward to seeing her in junior high. However, my grandfather initially didn’t let my mom continue her education after primary school. My grandmother rebelled against this situation immediately. She told my grandfather “If you don’t let this girl go to school, I will leave you and take her with me. I don’t care what I end up doing to make my living, I will make sure this girl goes to school.” She also asked for help from one of the open-minded elder males in the family thinking that he might be more effective in changing my grandfather’s mind. Getting courage from my grandmother’s actions, my two uncles also decided to rebel and told my grandfather that “If you don’t let her go to school, we aren’t going either.”

Thankfully, my grandfather was a giant emotional fella (he cried in every old Turkish film we watched together, I didn’t). He was just acting according to the rules of the conservative society he grew up in. In the end, he changed his mind and let my mom continue her education.

(Ironically, later in life my grandfather got shot by a conservative Turkish nationalist for not being “conservative enough”. The details of that incident are beyond the scope of this post. The only thing I will tell is that he survived that incident thanks to being a big guy. He died years later of heart attack.)

If it wasn’t for my grandmother, maybe my mom wouldn’t be able to go to school after primary school at all. However, if you think all the women would act like my grandmother did in this situation, you are wrong. The biggest opponents of my mom going to school were my grandfather's mother and two of my grandfather’s sisters.

My mom ended up being a university professor. So once they let her go to school, she never left schools.

When I reached school age, I was already going to school for as long as I knew myself. Both of my parents worked full-time, so I was in pre-school when I was three months old. And from three months old to December 2014, I stayed in schools and loved them. So my story isn’t as interesting as my mom’s or my grandmother’s.

I felt extremely privileged for receiving so much support from my family when it came to my education even though this was one of my basic human rights. On the one hand, this was natural for a girl of my generation based on how things evolved in Turkey. On the other hand, there were still a lot of parents who didn’t send their daughters to school either due to conservatism or their economic situation. The latter is usually hand-in-hand with the former because some parents prefer paying school expenses for a son rather than a daughter if they feel like they don’t have enough funds.

Is the situation still getting better in Turkey on this issue? I don’t know. I feel like nothing is getting better in Turkey right now. I really wish that I am wrong in this statement.


P.S. Some corrections were made to the original version based on my mom's comments.



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Turkiye’de Kiz Cocuklarinin Egitimi: Uc Kusak

Bunu Mustang yazisini yazdigim gun yazdim. Dolayisiyla bir onceki blog yazisi bu yazi icin ilham kaynagiydi. Bu yaziyi ananem ve anneme (hayatimdaki guclu iki Karadeniz kadinina) adiyorum.

Ananem okul yasina eristiginde, babasi okula gitmesini cok istemis, ama o donem sehir disinda calistigindan, ananemin annesi onu koydeki tek okula goturmus. Okulda okuyanlar arasinda hic kiz cocuk yokmus. Ananemin babasi aydin bir insanmis, muhafazakar bir bolgede yasamalarina ragmen bunu pek onemsememis. Eger ananem okula baslarsa baska aileler de kiz cocuklarini okula gondermeye daha cok meyilli olur diye dusunmus. Ananemin onluk, kalem, defter gibi ihtiyaclarini onceden alip annanemin annesine gondermis. Ama okuldaki ogretmen erkek ogrencilerle dolu bir sinifta tek kiz ogrencinin sorumlulugunu alamayacagini soyleyip ananemi okula kabul etmemis. Ananemin annesi de zaten ananemin okula gitmesini cok istemediginden, bu durumu esine bildirmemis. Bunun uzerine ananem hic okula gidememis. Bugun ne zaman bu mesele acilsa, ananemin hayal kirikligini gorebilirsiniz. Hatta ananem hayatimda tanidigim en guzel kufur eden insandir (keske lisedeki genclere kufretme dersleri verse), ve bu durumdan bahsettigi zamanlar en cok kufur ettigi zamanlardan biridir genelde.

Annem okul yasina eristiginde, durum biraz daha farkliymis. Istanbul'da yasiyorlarmis. Hala pek cok ebeveyn kiz cocuklarini okula gondermemesine ragmen, okullarda pek cok kiz ogrenci varmis. Annem ilkokula baslamis ve iyi bir dereceyle ilkokulu bitirmis. Okuldaki ogretmenler annemi seviyormus ve onun okula devam etmesini dort gozle bekliyorlarmis. Ancak basta dedem annemin okula devam etmesine izin vermemis. Bu duruma ananem ayaklanmis. Dedeme eger annemin okula gitmesine izin vermezse, onu terk edecegini, annemi yanina alacagini, ve gecimini nasil saglarsa saglasin annemi bir sekilde okula gonderecegini soylemis. Ailenin acik-goruslu buyuklerinden biriyle de konusmus belki dedemin fikrini degistirmekte daha etkili olur diye. Bu durumdan cesaretlenen amcamlar da dedeme eger annemi okula gondermezse kendilerinin de okula gitmeyi birakacaklarini soylemisler.
Eger dedem duygusal ve yumusak kalpli bir insan olmasa, evdeki herkesi sira dayagina dizip bu isyani bastirabilirdi. Bu annemin okul hikayesinin sonu olurdu ve yasadiklari yerin kosullarinda bilinmedik bir son olmazdi. Ama dedem duygusal bir devdi (beraber izledigimiz her eski Turk filmi sirasinda aglardi, ben aglamazdim hic). O buyudugu toplumun kurallarina gore hareket ediyordu kendince. Sonunda fikrini degistirdi ve annemin okula devam etmesine razi oldu.
(Isin ironic tarafi, daha sonra dedem muhafazakar bir Turk milliyetcisi tarafindan “yeteri kadar muhafazakar” olmadigi icin vurulacakti. Bu olayin detaylari bu yazinin konusu degil. Ama dedem o olaydan iri yari bir adam olmasi sayesinde kurtuldu. Yillar sonra kalp krizinden vefat etti.)
Belki ananem olmasa annem de okula gidemeyebilirdi. Ama ananemin durumundaki her kadin olaya bu sekilde yaklasirdi diye dusunuyorsaniz yaniliyorsunuz. Annemin okumasina en cok karsi cikan insanlar annemin babanesi ve halalariydi.
Annem ilerde universitede hoca oldu. Baska bir deyisle, bir kere okula gitmeye basladiktan sonra hep okulda kaldi.

Ben okul yasina geldigimde, zaten kendimi bildim bileli okula gidiyordum. Hem annem hem babam butun gun calistiklari icin beni uc aylikken krese vermislerdi. Uc ayliktan Aralik 2014’e kadar okullarda kaldim ve okulda bulunmayi hep cok sevdim. Dolayisiyla benim hikayem annem ve ananeminki kadar ilginc degil.

Egitimimi destekleyen bir ailem oldugu icin hep ayricalikti hissettim, oysaki zaten bu benim temel insani haklarimdan biriydi. Turkiye’denin eristigi noktada benim okula gitmem dogal bir durumdu. Ote yandan hala pek cok aile kiz cocuklarini okula gondermiyordu ya muhafazarliklarindan ya da ekonomik durumlarindan oturu. Ekonomik durum sebebi de genelde muhafazakarlikla ic iceydi. Cunku aileler bir erkek cocugun egitimi icin para harcamayi bir kiz cocugunun egitimi icin para harcamaya tercih ediyorlardi eger ekonomik durumlari cok iyi degilse.

Peki su an Turkiye’de bu durumla ilgili hala ilerlemeye devam ediyor mu? Bilmiyorum. Sanmiyorum. Su an Turkiye’de hicbir seyin iyiye gittigini dusunmuyorum. Umarim bu dedigimde yaniliyorumdur.


Dipnot: Annemin yorumlarina dayanarak bir kac duzeltme yapilmistir ilk halinden sonra.

 

Mustang for the win!!!

Mustang is one of the “Best Foreign Language Film” nominees this year in Academy Awards. Despite being a nominee for France, Mustang is directed by a Turkish woman who grew up in France and tells the story of a group of Turkish girls (sisters) from a conservative village at Turkey’s Black Sea coast. Whenever a Turkish film gets this much support from a European country, a non-negligible group of Turkish people always tend to say “They support this film since it shows Turkey as a bad country”. Mustang had its fair-share of such comments. I think these people instead should thank France for supporting this really well-done Turkish film.   

Almost three days passed since I watched Mustang and I feel like it is probably the Turkish film I liked the most since Ozcan Alper’s Autumn (and before that there was Fatih Akin’s The Edge of Heaven – well, I know all of these films have a Black Sea connection, but it is not the entire reason :P). I am aware that Mustang isn't as good as the other two films I mentioned here. In fact, it has a lot of mistakes trying to fit too many events in one movie (as many first-time film directors tend to do). However, the pieces of this film will stay with me longer. What I liked the most about Mustang was that despite having an extremely tragic topic at hand and the possibility of turning into an extremely depressing film, its tone was light, funny, and hopeful without being insensitive. In other words, since the issues of women in conservative regions is a sensitive topic for me personally, this could easily have been a film that feels like thousand knife twists in my stomach. My stomach stayed fine both during the film and afterward.

I come from a small city at the Black Sea coast that was mostly full of leftist people back when I was a kid, and I was raised by two feminists. In fact, in our nuclear family, my dad would be the one to hold the crown for “toughest feminist bitch in the family”. Therefore, I never had to face the kind of pressure the girls in Mustang had to go through. However, I also grew up being aware of the fact that I lived in a mostly conservative society and I sometimes felt freer at my parent’s house than I felt outside. Plus, both my mom and my grandmother come from a conservative Black Sea coast village in Turkey; so I can assure you that nothing in Mustang is exaggeration. The only problem I had with Mustang was that despite the story taking place in the Black Sea coast, there wasn’t a single drop of rain during the entire film. This is not very realistic. :)

I know that Son of Saul is kind of a front-runner for the awards season in the category of “Foreign Language Films”, but I really really want Mustang to win the Oscar.

PhD Defense – Part 2: The Public One – Or from Amazonian Queen to Idiot to Humility and Fierceness

 

"I didn't feel like a big fat idiot anymore. And I didn't feel like a hard-ass motherfucking Amazonian queen. I felt fierce and humble and gathered up inside, like I was safe in this world too."

Cheryl Strayed – Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail

One year ago today I received my PhD. At EPFL, where I did my PhD studies, you have two defenses. The first one is the private one and it is also the real defense, where you are in a room with your thesis committee only and the committee decides whether you pass or fail. After you pass the private one and perform the changes the committee asks for in your thesis, you would have your public defense.  The public defense is the one where you get your PhD diploma (and title) officially and it is more like a party for friends and family.

While the first part of this post (PhD Defense – Part 1: The Private One - Or from Peggy to Scarlet to Marianne) was about my private defense and is private, as was the defense, this second part is about the public one and my PhD experience in general.

If I wanted to write down how I felt the day of my public defense, I wouldn’t be able to put it as well as the quote above. I find it funny how completely different people's lives resonate with me sometimes. Unlike Cheryl Strayed; I wasn’t born in the USA, I wasn’t raised by a single parent, my mother isn't dead, I haven’t been married, I didn't get an abortion, I didn’t study in a social field, etc. But most importantly, I don’t like hiking much. I would enjoy hiking with my close friends, because I love my friends. But if I am alone, I would rather randomly walk in the streets of a crowded city or walk barefoot on a beach for hours. Mountains and trails aren’t my kind of land. However, these differences didn’t prevent Cheryl Strayed’s memoir about her self-healing hike on Pacific Crest Trail from becoming one of the things I can relate to the most when I think about my PhD journey.

During the first half of my PhD, I wanted to quit more times than I want to remember (see [5]). Once I reached my third year, though, I felt like it was too late to quit. I was either going to get out of EPFL with my diploma or I was going to pull a Tyler Durden at EPFL (which is my way of saying "I will burn this place down").

I felt lonely most of the time and found different ways of coping with it (see [1], in my case it wasn’t just books, but also films and series). No matter how many friends you make or people you work with during your PhD, your PhD thesis will only have your name on the cover. This naturally requires you to be alone for long hours focusing on your own PhD work and eventually alienates you from many other people that might be physically surrounding the space you live or work in. Even though, I cannot claim that I got over this feeling of loneliness completely over time, I think I learned to accept it in a better way (see [4]).

As a female PhD student in the department of computer science, there were times I was really fed up with being surrounded by too many males. I never felt that way during my undergrad despite still being a minority as a female in that environment. I loved boys very much not just as boyfriends but also as friends, I always had great male friends, I always wanted an older brother so that I could always have a boy to hang out with, I studied in male dominated classrooms, I once even lived in a house with five other boys. I had never thought I could feel uncomfortable being the only girl in the room. But there I was, during my first year in PhD, the only girl in the lab, and I hated it. I hated it mainly because there I felt like I had to be one of the boys (see [2]). Switching to a female advisor and frequently listening to Tori Amos' Boys for Pele partly, if not completely, solved this issue for me. Being in the field of computer systems, where the testosterone levels are visibly higher than the other sub-fields of computer science even to an untrained eye, I don’t expect this feeling to ever go away completely.


But let’s not distract ourselves and go back to our main quote, the quote above, which clearly highlights the three major mood swings I had throughout my PhD.

#1: I always wanted to be a hard-ass motherfucking Amazonian queen.

#2: Instead, most of the time, I felt like a big fat idiot.

#3: Toward the end of my PhD, though, I felt fierce and humble and gathered up.

#1: Amazonian Queen

I never knew how to answer when people asked me “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Sure, I gave some answer to them like "basketball player", "teacher", "journalist", etc. But the truth is I never knew what I really wanted to become. I am 27 today and I don't have more clue about this issue now than back when I was 7. The only thing I was sure of was that I wanted to be an independent woman both socially and economically. I wanted to involve other people in my life because I really want them there not because I need them or depend on them. I thought I could do any job as long as it allowed me that kind of independence. I also wanted to keep learning about and be experienced at several fields not just one. So this was my version of a hard-ass motherfucking Amazonian queen. (I actually wanted to be Xena and she once beat up an Amazonian queen so technically she is one. Anyways, details.)

During college I felt like a hard-ass motherfucking Amazonian queen. I worked hard, supported myself financially with no help from my parents, took care of my own ass pretty successfully, had a great social life despite being a certified nerd, gained substantial background on several things not just computers, and graduated with a great GPA. So when I started my PhD, I wanted to be no less than an Amazonian queen again. I was ready to rock!

#2: Idiot

Instead, the first year of my PhD just made me feel like a complete idiot. My interactions with people at work just emphasized how little I knew and how inexperienced I was in my own field (see [3]). My interactions with people outside work just made me realize how terrible I was at learning French. My interactions with people at work outside work just showed me how little they gave a shit about my knowledge in topics other than computer science. I sucked both at work and in my social life and I was away from family and close friends. I felt like a giant zero. In fact, I don’t remember any other period in my life that I thought less of myself than the first year of my PhD.

#3: Humility and Fierceness

After being kicked out of my first lab and then feeling the pressure of not fitting in with the topics in my second lab, I found my third advisor who put me in an environment where I could feel better about myself again. In that environment, I put my pieces back together and learned over and over to hold on to my humility and to be fierce at the same time.

I never felt like I did amazing research. Instead of being upset about not being good enough to lead great research like the people I admired in the field, I learned to start from something small and lead whatever I have the best way I could.

I made peace with the fact that I wasn’t capable of achieving most things on my own, I depended on my academic siblings and advisor. They taught me a lot and inspired me. Instead of feeling like an idiot about not knowing enough, I tried to learn as much as I could from them. Luckily, they were the kind of people who were ready to help you rather than judge you about what you don’t know. I think, I taught them a lot, too, later when I was a more senior student.

Instead of trying too hard to fit in with many people, I built extremely strong friendships with a few who I now consider my family. And I not only want them in my life, but I also need them there to put some sense into my nomadic existence.

I no longer have the need to feel like an Amazonian queen. Though, I do sometimes still feel like an idiot, but bad feelings go away more quickly now. Instead, I just remember what I have accomplished so far and feel humble and fierce.




More quotes from Wild
 
[1] “I’d loved books in my regular, pre-PCT life, but on the trail, they’d taken on even greater meaning. They were the world I could lose myself in when the one I was actually in became too lonely or harsh or difficult to bear.” 

[2] “ … as the only girl in the woods, alone with a gang of men. By necessity, here on the trail, I felt I had to sexually neutralize the men I met by being, to the extent that was possible, one of them”  

[3] “I nodded, as if I knew where Bighorn Plateau was, or what it meant for the snowpack to be double what it was a year ago. I felt like a fraud even having this discussion, like a mascot among players, as if they were the real PCT hikers and I was just happening through. As if somehow, by Ray Jardine, my laughably slow pace, and my belief that it had been reasonable to pack a foldable saw, I had not actually hiked to Kennedy Meadows from Tehachapi Pass, but instead had been carried along.” 

[4] “Maybe I was more alone than anyone in the whole wide world. Maybe that was ok.”

[5] (From the movie adaptation)
Frank: "You ever think about quitting?"
Cheryl: "Only once about every two minutes or so."

My cheers to Gilmore Girls revival and things I wouldn’t like about Gilmore Girls if I took it more seriously

As every Gilmore Girls fan, this week I received great news. Gilmore Girls is coming back to Netflix for a short but a more proper ending. Yeah, let’s admit, we were all bitter-sweet about season 7. Amy Sherman (show’s creator) left the show before season 7 due to disagreements with the network and things were different; characters weren’t talking as fast, there was too much of Christopher, there weren’t as many pop culture references … Now she can finish the series the way she wanted to and we can enjoy more episodes of Gilmore Girls.

Gilmore Girls was one of the rare female dominated shows on TV when it was first aired. Despite being female dominated, it didn’t undermine its male characters (the male characters weren’t just there to support the females) and the females looked more real (the female characters didn’t all have “perfect” body shape and they neither wear expensive fancy clothes all the time nor they changed clothes too often during the day).
I watched Gilmore Girls more times than I watched my any other favorite series. Every time I re-visited it I related to different events, caught new references, and laughed at different times. It reduced my feeling of loneliness whenever I moved to a new place. I remember it in the mornings when I inhale my coffee deeply before taking my first sip, at movie nights when I consume too much junk food, every bedtime chat with girlfriends, whenever I am indecisive about which book to read, every time I eat at a diner,  …  

However, despite my love of Gilmore Girls, it had some elements that would annoy me if I took it too seriously. I know as a cheer to its revival news, it doesn’t make sense to remember things I actually feel uneasy about in Gilmore Girls, but this is why this blog is titled Distorted Pollyanna.

(1) Lorelai’s pregnancy with Rory at the age of 16

I know that Lorelai had more conservative parents and this wasn’t an easy option for her and there wouldn’t have been any Gilmore Girls if she had had an abortion, but I kept wondering what would Lorelai do if Rory got pregnant when she was 16?

(2) Stars Hollow

I come from a small town in Turkey; not as small as Stars Hollow probably, but still small. I liked my small hometown, but I also knew that I wanted to leave it eventually. I prefer living in places where not so many people know me when I walk on the streets rather than places where people know you more than you want them to know you and you have to listen to gossip about other people too often. So while I respect Lorelai’s attachment to Stars Hollow and not wanting to move anywhere else, my feelings toward a town like Stars Hollow would be more like Rachel’s or Jess’. Rachel was always ready to pack and leave the town, and Jess’ first scene outside in Stars Hollow is when he stands in front of Luke’s diner looking around the town while Elvis Costello’s This is Hell is playing in the background.

(3) Lorelai’s first marriage attempt

I hated everything about this Lorelai’s potential marriage to Max except for its bachelorette party. I was really happy when Lorelai broke off the engagement (which happens in the same episode as the bachelorette party :)).

First of all. 1000 daisies… Come on!! If someone bought me 1000 daisies, I would make him or her eat them. I know this was Lorelai’s fault. She mentioned 1000 daisies and proposal in the same sentence and Max got her 1000 daisies. Then, there was all this talk about this event possibly being the most important thing that would happen to Lorelai. Yuck! It was very anti-Lorelai that wedding.

(4) Only rich kids go to college vibe

I always loved the emphasis the series put into pursuing a good education and enjoying your time at school. Up until December 2014, I had been in schools since I was three months old. Depending on your instructors, schools can either be full of dogmas or wonders. I was lucky to experience the latter mostly. I firmly believe that being in school around students of various backgrounds keeps you young, dynamic, and open-minded.

However, Rory’s high-school and college experience throughout Gilmore Girls was that of a rich kid’s experience since Rory’s grandparents and the parents of Rory’s classmates seemed to have unlimited amount of money. While Rory had one of the best possible education in the world, her friends from Starts Hollow high school barely went to college. I admit that having some economic privilege helps you to get better education opportunities and this fact is more severe in USA than in other countries. However, I sometimes had really hard time relating to Rory’s education experience because of this elitist attitude. That’s why, I was grateful that the series’ focus was more on Lorelai (who didn’t get a penny from her parents to pursue her own education after she left home when she was 16) and not on Rory.

(5) Town Traditions

I have allergies to traditions that I did not contribute in creating. Don’t get me wrong, I respect people enjoying old traditions. This is just one of the many anomalies that I have. My reaction to Stars Hollow traditional activities would be more like Luke’s sarcastic attitude rather than the cheerfulness of the rest of the town people.

(6) Constantly eating junk food

I love eating pizza, burgers, French fries, etc. However, if I eat this kind of food for a couple of days in a week, then I want my salad or soup or vegetables for the other days. I did not feel good about all the condescending remarks of Gilmore girls on various salad ingredients or vegetables. :P

(7) Lorelai being a big fan of Bono

My favorite episode of South Park is the one where they claim Bono has always been a #2. My least favorite part of Lorelai was the fact that she loved Bono very much. I don't want to write more about Bono and waste space.