Part 3: USA
After Switzerland, I felt the
need to be not in Europe. More specifically, I wanted to go to a place where I
didn’t have to be reminded of my non-EU status often and I could speak the
local language fluently. Thus, it made sense to search for jobs in the USA
toward the end of my PhD even though the distance from USA to Turkey felt too
much. In my research field, the job options in Europe were also highly limited
compared to the USA at that time. (Things got much better from that perspective
now in Europe.) In the end, both Twin Sister and I found jobs in Bay
Area / Silicon Valley.
I lived in downtown San Jose, CA,
USA for 3 years while working for IBM Research.
In San Jose, my non-EU status
didn’t matter as long as I didn’t need to go to Europe. All that mattered was
my IBM job contract.
With that contract, I found an
apartment immediately in downtown San Jose. Twin Sister hosted me for a
month before I moved there because the move-in date wasn’t immediate, but I got
the apartment I actually wanted rather than settling for one that accepted me
after many rejections.
With that contract, I didn’t have
an issue opening a bank account.
With that contract, I had access
to better healthcare than my US-citizen aunt.
I can also speak fluent English.
Thus, getting things done and having a social life was way easier compared to
Switzerland. Also, downtown San Jose is rich when it comes to cultural events
that I crave compared to the other cities in the area that aren’t San
Francisco. Within 30mins walking to my apartment, I had access to concerts, movies, musicals, plays, opera,
comedy shows, and a really cool bookstore.
These things may not matter to everyone, but they matter to me.
For my work visa, instead of
betting on the lottery of H1B, IBM decided that we go for an O1. An O1 visa is
given to, as the website writes, “Individuals with Extraordinary Ability or
Achievement.” This is how one of my celebrity crushes, John Oliver, got to the
USA as well. Your PhD degree can qualify you for it, but you have to prove your
ability and achievements.
I shipped 6kg of documents to the
US authorities for that proof.
Back then I had a shopping bag
with wheels, since in Switzerland I didn’t live close to a shop and could usually
shop once a week or every other week, meaning I had a big load when I shopped
to be carried from a remote location, so a shopping bag with wheels was handy. I
used that shopping bag to carry the documents for the O1 visa to the nearest
UPS office.
6 months after I started working
at IBM, I asked if they would be willing to petition for a green card
application for me, since I heard from another colleague that they usually are.
They gave a green light, and in my case the procedure was similar to the O1
visa application with slightly more documents.
This time, IBM shipped things for me, though, so I didn’t have to carry >6kg
of documents with me to a UPS office.
Despite these smooth aspects, the
green card application process was still challenging.
Due to several rules about
staying in the US both before and after the application, I ended up not leaving
the US for 18 months. I know this is not unusual for many people, but for me it
was. It was the longest I have been away from Turkey. My parents visited me
during that period once, but it was also the longest separation we had. Even
during COVID lockdowns, I went to Turkey twice a year. What made things worse
is that toward the end of that estrangement, my dad had a heart attack.
In addition to proving my worth
academically, I also had to prove myself health-wise for the green card
application. Among the requirements, there are several health tests and
vaccinations. I was told that I didn’t have syphilis and I had good mental
health. To that I said “Thanks! I guess …” I was told that I could have all the
required vaccinations (5+ from what I remember) at once if I wanted and be done
with them irrespective of what I was already vaccinated for. To that I said,
first in my head, “Are you fucking kidding me?”, then to the doctor, “I prefer
that you make a test first to see what I already have the immunity for, I will
only be vaccinated for the rest.” In the end, I only needed boosting my prior
tetanus and measles vaccinations. The morning after I received the tetanus
vaccination, though, I was on the floor of my bathroom throwing up and feeling
like all my bones were being disassembled. Within 30mins of hearing this
incident, Twin Sister ended up at my door and took me to her house where
she lived together with her then partner now husband. I spent the day on their
couch.
After all these processes and
convincing the US government that I wasn’t a former nazi and I didn’t plan to
perform polygamy, I am unsure about getting married even to one person, I got
approved for the green card.
Throughout this process, I
questioned all my efforts trying to get a green card, especially considering
that I didn’t think I wanted to live in the US in the long run, primarily due
to its distance from my parents. But the day that I got my green card, all my
doubts were gone. I cannot describe the happiness and relief I felt holding a
residence permit that didn’t depend on my job for the first time in 7 years. Ironically,
shortly after a year I got my green card, I moved to Denmark and put myself
into a position where my residence permit depended on my job again. (Did I
mention my dad had a heart attack?)
Which brings us to the year of 3
Schengen visas.
Early 2017, shortly after
receiving my green card, I planned a longish trip to recover from being in the
US for 18+ months. The trip would start with spending a few days with Partner
in Crime in Frankfurt on the way to a Dagstuhl
workshop, then continue with reuniting with my family in Istanbul, and end with
a visit to Illegitimate Daughter in Paris. Due to the Germany and France
hops of this trip, I needed a Schengen visa. I went to the German embassy a bit
stressed out as I usually am at any embassy. I was carrying a printed excel
sheet with me detailing the many hops of the trip. The lady handling my case
was nice and thanked me for my careful preparation. I left the embassy
relieved. Then, I got my visa covering only the travel dates. Nothing more.
Nothing less. The Europeans didn’t want me in their land more than
necessary.
After that trip, it was clear to
me that living in the US, especially in Bay Area, in the long run wasn’t for me,
and I had to act sooner rather than later before the inertia crept further. I
thought getting back to Europe was a fair trade-off between being closer to
family while escaping the turmoil of Turkey after the recent coup attempt. Even
if I felt systematically disliked in Europe, if I targeted bigger European
cities with more diverse and international crowds, I could still find my tribe
and necessary dose of cultural activities to balance things. Thus, I started to
look for jobs in Europe. I wrote about the that process already in a blog post,
Moving
On, during my last week in the US.
During that job search, I did
several industry job interviews that took place either at the US offices of
those companies or online. On the other hand, the two academic interviews I did
were both at location.
The first one was in Germany, and
I was informed three weeks in advance. They had the interview structure of
interviewing all the candidates on the same day, so there was one interview day
that they determined for you without asking for your availability ahead of
time. When I received the interview invitation email, the blood rushed in my
body, and I became paralyzed briefly. Could I get a Schengen visa in three
weeks?
After calming down, I wrote back
to them that I needed a visa and whether it would be possible to change the
interview date. While waiting for their reply, I checked the German embassy
website. The earliest appointment date was way after the interview date I was
given. On the other hand, I kept reading through the visa pages, and realized
that because of the Schengen visa I got from the German embassy earlier that
year, I was eligible for a visa application by post. I didn’t need an
appointment, I just needed to send the documents to the embassy via mail.
In the meantime, the university
replied that it would be difficult to move the interview date since it was a
common date for all candidates. I asked them for an invitation letter to handle
the visa process as fast as possible. They didn’t know what to write. I wrote
them a draft, and they put it on an official letter and signed. This back &
forth with them was at least quick.
I dropped everything at work and quickly
gathered all the visa documents in a day. For one of the documents, there was a
notary approval needed. I don’t remember which document that was for, but while
searching for the notary in San Jose, I first ended up at a place where I asked
if there was a notary there, after which I was asked if I wanted to buy pot. I
replied, “No. Wrong address.” I eventually found the notary, shipped all the
documents to German embassy, and received my visa on time. It was once again on
my exact travel dates.
My parents were visiting me at
San Jose at the time. It was the last week of their visit. They got to observe
my anxiety through this visa process firsthand. At some point my dad told me
“We of course want you to move closer to us, but we don’t want that at the cost
of your mental health.”
The interview went well on my end
despite being more worried about the visa than the interview itself during
those three weeks of notice, but I didn’t get the job.
In contrast to this interview, my
now department head at the IT University of Copenhagen, Peter Sestoft, explicitly
asked when it would be a good time to have the interview for me considering the
visa process. We arranged a date that wouldn’t stress me. This time, I had to
apply via the Danish embassy and couldn’t use the apply-by-post option. The
Danes gave me a visa that was for 20 days even though my visit would be for
about a week instead of the exact travel dates. How nice of them!?
I really hope I will never have
to apply for a Schengen visa ever again in my life.
One of my favorite quotes from Cheryl Strayed is “Be brave enough to
break your own heart.” As I mentioned in Part 2 of these blog posts, the day I
left Switzerland was one of the happiest days of my life. The day I left US was
different. Twin Sister drove me to the airport, Academic Sister met
us there, I would have to leave them for good this time. They wouldn’t be
moving to my next destination. Also, San Jose felt like a home by that time. I
realized that I broke my own heart once already when leaving Turkey back in
2009. Probably it wasn’t fully healed, and I was now breaking it again. But it
had to be done. Even though I had to deal with that heart break and starting
from scratch once again in Copenhagen, I don’t regret leaving the US. I am way
more content with my life in Copenhagen, which, combined with my higher
emotional maturity when I moved there, made healing faster.
Next, in Part 4, which will be
the last one of these posts, we will focus on Copenhagen.
