Back to Lausanne!

I had never thought that I would be this upset because of coming to Europe from US. But I know the reason; it is all the people I had to say “goodbye” in the end.

If I write in the order that I had to say “goodbye”;

- greek brother; who taught me that it is ok to do mistakes in my work as long as I learn from them, and showed me that some boy who doesn’t legally belong to my close family might still be willing to protect me from getting stressed and upset as if he is my family.

- good old friends from undergrad (Yasemin, Yigit, Kivanc, Ezgi); who made me remember once again that even if you don’t contact with good old friends for a long time, once you do, you can always start from where you left off as if you have never separated.

- aunt and cousins; who took me back to the years before I left Zonguldak and come to Istanbul for my university and made me realize that the everyday family routine is not actually something boring like I always thought it would be and it can give back to you the peace you often lose while working. I cannot really realize this when I visit my parents because it is usually not for more than a week and we try to do bazillion fun things during that week which doesn’t quite allow any routine but which gives me peace in some other way.


I came back to Lausanne,

weirded out when I heard the French speaking people on the streets due to hearing only Americanish for the last two weeks,

got into my apartment,

felt like a stranger to the place

till I called two good new friends (one greek, one turkish) for tea and then watched a movie with them. :)

Life is nice to me as long as I know how to not feel alone! :)

"This is the end of an era!"[1]

Last week, I finished another series; Six Feet Under.

And it kicked OZ from its top spot at my favorite series list. :)

If I'd like to summarize the whole experience in one sentence it would be

“We're all fucked up and people who really really love us are the ones who love us even though they know we're so fucked up.”


This is what I saw in the far from wonderful relationships of Dave and Keith, Brenda and Nate, Brenda and Billy, Brenda-Billy and their parents, Claire and Ruth, Ruth and George, Federico and Venessa, Claire and Ted, …


And as Claire drove away from home to New York for building the life she wants to lead for herself, I just cried my brains out. There were three reasons for this.

One, I remember the day I left home for university. The excitement I had for being independent and on my own for the first time in my life, coming from a little city like Zonguldak to a big city like Istanbul. Even though I visited Istanbul many many times, it was always with my parents. Now it was only me to discover what that beautiful and chaotic city has to offer to me and I sucked it as much as I can. But also the fact that the safe walls you had before, being cracked after leaving home and becoming more and more cracked as years go by, bit me whenever I was watching a film alone (by being the only audience) in a little wrecked independent theater.

Two, as they showed how each character dies in the future while Claire is driving away, I remembered the people I've lost, how death became a simple part of life for me when I was a kid due to facing the death of many people who were really close and special to me, how I couldn't get upset when I hear a relatively old person dying. Yes, a series that takes place in a funeral home was perfect for me.

And three, listening to “Breath Me” from Sia during this whole ending scene.

This series marked the end of an era for me. I felt like I grew a bit more. There are many more striking issues from the series that I'd love to write about but I don't know how I can really mix all of them here and write about it but I might write about them one by one later, or just keep them for myself, I don't know. This post is just for showing the effect of the last 10 mins of a TV series that was so special to me.


[1] “Friends”