August 26, 2021,
the week after VLDB 2021 and two days
after I got my second COVID shot, was the date for our annual department BBQ in
2021. The 2020 instance had to be skipped due to COVID.
Most people
joining this BBQ help with a task such as setting up tables, handling the
grilling, bringing cake … You can volunteer yourself for a task from the tasks
list. I usually sign up for tasks related to setting up the place. That year, I
didn’t sign up for any task, though, since I was the general chair of the VLDB
conference, and I thought I can cut myself some slack right after the week of
VLDB.
On August 24,
2021, I got my second COVID vaccine shot. After each of those shots, I had (not
at all mild) fever and nausea, which lasted for about a day, and felt exhausted
for a few days.
A few hours after
the shot, there was an email in my work mailbox that said I was one of the
people who were assigned with the task of bringing a vegetarian disk to the BBQ.
I guess I got that task due to being one of the “problematic” vegetarian people
going to a BBQ.
At the depleted
state I was in, and after worrying for weeks about how to feed the attendees of
one of our biggest conferences without creating a deficit in our first-ever
hybrid conference budget, the thought of the task of bringing a vegetarian dish
to our department BBQ caused a meltdown.
As a response to
my meltdown, I wrote to the person who emailed me for the task that I won’t be
attending the BBQ due to feeling tired after the COVID shot. This was a
perfectly plausible reason and almost not a lie. But the real reason was I
preferred staying overnight at the Overlook Hotel rather than bringing that vegetarian dish that particular week.
A more mature and
constructive response to that email would have been to explain the state I was
in and ask if I could drop the task. The BBQ organizers knew neither about VLDB
nor my COVID shot. I am sure they would have said “of course” to such a request.
Or I could have bought cheese and crackers to fulfill the task. They didn’t
expect me to cook my okra-chickpeas dish and bring the pot to the BBQ.
But one cannot
always think that clearly when they seriously need a break.
Black hole opened in the kitchen
Every clock is a different time
It would only take the energy to fix it
I don't know why I am the way I am
Not strong enough to be your man
I try, I can't stop staring at the ceiling fan
…
Not Strong
Enough, boygenius
One of my
favorite songs from recent years is boygenius’ Not Strong Enough. The
song starts with a situation where all the clocks around the song’s protagonist
show a different time. It is a mild problem. All one has to do is to go over
the clocks one by one and adjust them to show the right time. As the song says,
the only thing required to fix this situation is energy, the energy that one
needs to go over the clocks one by one and adjust them. However, upon realizing
the task, our protagonist is paralyzed staring at the ceiling fan and
experiences the situation as a black hole. They clearly need a break.
Can we prevent this black hole point? By being strict with
taking breaks? By being mindful of early signs?
How do we learn
to see the signs? Does it come with age / maturity?
Can you rely on
your support system to help you notice the signs? How do you ask for some help
/ slack when you lack an immediate support system?
Do we always
have the luxury to be proactive even when we notice the signs? Being an adult
comes with many responsibilities that require immediate attention, so does
moving up the ladder at work. I don’t remember the last vacation or even the
weekend I had where I was completely “off”.
If we can’t be
proactive, how do we maturely deal with the postmortem and recover?
What does it
mean to have a break? Does the time you spend doing house chores over the
weekend count as a break? Sure, it is a break from your paying job, but it
isn’t really a break unless you love those chores.
…
I am typing this
on a train from London to Edinburgh the week after VLDB 2025. I am off for a few days. I planned
this trip assuming I would need a break at this time. It will be my first time
in Edinburgh, which has been high up in my list of places to visit, because Irvine Welsh
was one of my favorite authors when I was in high school. I will stay in Leith,
where he is from. I didn’t even inform the people I know at the University of
Edinburgh, because I really want to be off, although I will still attend to
emails and academic service duties.
Since late July,
on top of the usual duties, I have been through three deadlines (one small, one
regular, and one big), while dealing with an out-of-ordinary challenge that
came as a result of being a section head. Taking some days off this week was a
good proactive decision, thanks to knowing myself better now. When I took that
decision, though, I didn’t have the “big deadline” and “out-of-ordinary
challenge” in my TODO-list. The former was under my control to avoid, while the
latter wasn’t; though maybe it was, as I chose to become a section head. They were
both extras that almost tipped me over to my post-VLDB-2021 state. I asked
myself, “why do you push yourself this hard?” or “why does work feel like
eating an excessive portion of your favorite meal?” several times the last couple
weeks.
I am late with
this post, which was planned for August. I picked the topic before the “big
deadline” and “out-of-ordinary challenge” as well. While they delayed my
writing, the topic now fits better. And I consider writing to be a break
helping to recover.
