Istiklal Avenue Diary

When I was here, I used to can't decide which films to go to because there were so many options. But this time I couldn't find a film to go to. Two of my favorite movie theaters are closed. The remaining ones, except for Beyoglu Theater, show films like “Twilight” or “The Sorcerer's Apprentice”. So almost no independent films or European cinema anymore. =(

In Ada Bookshop, they introduced a new section called “Vampirizm” for the vampire related books. I assume this is due to the effect of “Twilight” books and I liked it. Even though, I didn't read “Twilight” and am not keen on reading it, I like vampire related literature a lot. It's nice to have a section for this.

The police in Istiklal Street use mini-coopers or jeeps. Some people get shocked when they see these cars. I heard reactions like “wow, our government is actually rich!”. I found this funny and I don't like seeing cop-cars here. Actually, I don't like seeing cars at all here.

The shops in Halep Passage change places in the passage but remain the same. Also, it's always easy to find things for a present in this passage that reflects my thoughts about the person I buy the present to.

This street changes rapidly and some of the things I really really liked about it are long gone now. I wish I could bring them back. However, it still makes me happy to be here.

Even just walking here makes me happy.

Because I have some of the most striking memories of my life here. Some of the most important people of my life became one of the most important people of my life here. This street let me be who I am without caring about the other people around here. So it keeps the beautiful, joyful moments of my life. It keeps my excitements, discoveries. It keeps my shameful, heart-broken memories. And no matter how rapidly it changes, it'll continue keeping them for me, ready to give them to me whenever I visit.

"Ensaio Sobre a Cegueira" (Blindness) - José Saramago

What does it mean “to see”? What does it mean “to be blind”?

Who sees? According to whom? According to what?

In the land of the blind, what should the one who sees do? Should she/he lead the crowd, take action when people mess things up, or should she/he let the crowd figure things out for themselves?

Are the blind really blind or do they just avoid looking at the places that will make them see?


This book made me question all these things. It has pretty strong metaphors while telling its story. However, even if you don't care about the metaphors and all those questions above, it still has a pretty strong story to tell. That's a huge advantage for this book and its movie adaptation.

This was actually something I've watched and read long time ago but I wanted to write about it now.

"When you're going to love you as much as I do"

This sentence is from the song "Winter" which is written by Tori Amos. Whenever, I listen to this song, it reminds me of my parents because various things that can indicate the meaning in this sentence are said to me by my parents.

I've never loved myself as much as my parents love me. There were times, especially in my high school years, that I questioned this situation a lot. How could they love me this much? I didn't do anything to deserve this love. I always felt bad about this whenever I saw how hard my mom tried to stop my tears, or my dad hurting even more than I do whenever I had a stupid clumsy accident.

But then I understood when I started university. That was the first time I left my parents for that long and I realized what they really are to me. They aren't just my parents, but they are also my best friends, my best teachers, and my companions. Seeing my mom crying destroys my heart and I just want to hug her and cry with her. When I see my dad locking himself in his own world because he is really sad, I try any stupid thing that can get him out of that world and cheer him up. Whenever they have a fight and get separated to different rooms of the same house, I rapidly go back and forth between them, like a tennis ball, to make them forget what just happened. When I can't hear from them for a while I get worried, as they get worried when they can't hear from me.

Now they are also my kids and I also have to be their parents now as much as they have to be my parents, although I am not as good as them yet in being a parent.
Considering someone as your kid makes you realize how meaningless the rest of the world compared to him/her. That's how I understood how can my parents love and value me even more than I do.

We are the three musketeers no matter where we are. :)




For the interested the full lyrics of "Winter" is as follows. (And I love you dear Tori Amos)
I think Tori Amos wrote it for her dad.


Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose
Get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove
I run off
Where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
"Your must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't always be around"
He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting
Withering where some snowman was
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know dad the ice is getting thin

When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Hair is gray
And the fires are burning
So many dreams
On the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself

He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change
My dear